Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
