yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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