Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
