How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My ass is underappreciated
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
