Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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