i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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