Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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