I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
