We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
this is an emotional support booty call
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
