I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
