Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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