how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
