just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
