we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
