spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
