the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
