Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
