My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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