The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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