I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
