onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
