Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
