so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
