I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
