Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Is Oprah even human
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
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