tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
why do cheetos always look like penises
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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