I CAN MOONWALK!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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