i don't like sucking hair
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
