I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
