I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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