i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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