Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
my poor anus
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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