it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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