Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
