dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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