So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
