I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
