She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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