My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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