I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
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so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
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Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i believe in u and ur pee
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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