i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
