so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
3 2 1 whiskey
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
