There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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