Plan B is the new Plan A
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
