you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
