Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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