At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I party with great urgency now.
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