You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
