I am in a vortex of obligation.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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