the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
