A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Holy shit dude........stairs
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
