my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
