I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
