you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
