I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
