Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
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Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
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Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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