I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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