our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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