You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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