There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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