I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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