So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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