There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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