she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
