In the future we'll all be gay
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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