I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
