please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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