How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
