Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
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Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
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The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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