thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
