Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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