I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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