i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
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I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
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It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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