Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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