why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
