Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
