One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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