The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
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He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
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you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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