my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
