I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
