These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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